This coming November, and Christmax is coming really soon,

hey, this is the second time i type this entry, from last night until now. My lap just hanged in the middle of my work, so obviously, all my work has gone, sign.. but still, i will try my best to write again, i'm not the kind of guy that like to read or talk alot though , haha.
Ok, first of all, the thing i need to get rid of is that phrase" haha", with no clue and no proves, I have been using this "haha" for many situations, when talking, chatting, text-ing, etc. Now, realized that this word is killing my thinking and writing skill, i should ,myself, stop using it ASAP.
Switch to the next thing i would like to write down here, before i forget it, as i've known from yesterday, i'm kinda randomly personality, which mean, easily to change from subjects to subjects in secs, which means, confusing the readers as well as listeners, alot ( eventhough i know it by myself, i hardly break a joke that can make my friends laugh to hell, hey why, i think i may do it well, but how? how? how?) Alright, back to the thing i wanna mention here, the big loss i have seen and sharing with, is the loss that my best-friend has to suffer right now, her mom just passed away, which i, in some ways, have met her mom last year, and based on my preferences, she's the only child, this loss she is suffering is really huge, which made me cry several times when i first heard from her. I have given her many love as a good friend, and when my friend is painful, i can do nothing but cry, she's now back in VN, i'm here, i'm trying to get in touch with her my text every day, still haven't received any reply from her yet, thought she's now deep in depressed. WIsh that i were with her now, i can hug her so tight that all her pain will be transfered to me,that i can bare her loss somehow, i would tell her that, still I'm beside her, still love her and caring her, eventhough she might or might not coming back Singapore for further studying, i'll always think about her. I hate to be a loner, and now , my friend is a loner in this life, this's hurting me bad, really really bad....
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i have spent more than enough thought for this depressed and sad thing for these past few days, and now, i need to believe that my friend will have enough strenght to keep fighting on, stay in health and recover from her loss soon.

back to my daily life, I'm currently enjoying my mid term holiday, 3 weeks, not so long either so short, spend time with my two little dorky,cutie and naughty nieces, Emily and Elina, i have felt love all around me, I have the vision to see my nieces running, playing, eating, smilling, holding the younger and sleep with her is the most treasure time for me, no one can ever bring happiness to me like my two little nieces.besides the responsibility to take care and play with them, i have some spare time for my own personal favorite, dancing and sporting, yes dancing, u heard it,i love to dance, seeing my body movement with music and sweating, give me strenght not physically but also emotionally. I have this little problem with my mindset right now, i have known that i made some improvement in dancing from last time, but still, i hate seeing me not being picked by the choreographer, which makes me feel very disapointed, i want to be more competitive, i want to be picked to perform in front of other classmates even though i'm not a perfect dancer. I really mean it. I'm lack of experiene, lack of dancing skill, not be able to have facial expresion to suit the concept of the steps and concept, but I'll try me best more and more, I want people to acknowledge my dancing skill, and better to perform in the future, my time for dancing is getting shorter and shorter, as time going , i will graduate soon, so i don't know in the future ( near future,next year),will i be able to dance again freely as I'm enjoying myself at the moment? That means i will have to manage to find a job and cope with all the works, colleagues and work environment ethics, yucks.

and, my holiday is getting over, OMG, i only have one week left, why does it have to fly so fast? coming back to school is meaned with loads with assignments, projects, presentation, grades and the hell " examinations", but I'm very eager to coming back to school, to be able to see my friends that we can gossip, talk cock and doing all the weird that only us can do, haha, tell u , I'm really a nerd and very weird whenI'm with my gang, u won't be able to imagine what i will be when i'm with them. That's the time i love and favor, cause I'm being me,myself, without any worries about how people will think of myself, clearly and purely me, I know that outside, there are lots of my classmates think I"m not being normal, psycho, somehow, but hey, do I need to really care about other thoughts, which will only bring me sorrow and angry,and they don't even talk to me once, how they can be my friend to know more about me when first, they talk bad about me, sorry to say this,they won't be able to stand near me or, even worse communicate with me, cause they are not my friends, haha, yes sometimes i prefer to stay mean like this with all the haters, that bring you free of mindthought..

oh btw, i've met a vietnamese dude yesterday from Hope CHurch, he sat behind my table, and with my bad memory as well bad direction , I cannot recognize his face and his name, shame I am, but still, I find him very interesting , talking to him give me the impression that he is well-educated, very well-behaved. We are only 1 year gap but I realize that I look at him as my younger brother, which I don't like it so much, haha, cause for him, i always treat my junior as my friends, no age gap at all, haha.
So, seem to be enough at now, wanna put some song into this post, but i'm noob here, sorry but it's the truth, don't know to adjust and decorate my own blogspot, haha.
So, i hope i will have a new post soon, which i dont know when will it be created,but for now, please take care of yourself.
Love those who read my blog.
Alex

pikke

suddenly,i'm lost. Among people around, I'm lost. Gotta find someone that helps me feels better :D

let me kick ur back, ppl

hey I'm back
just wanna confirm that I'm still around, :))
wish u well
btw, i think i'm in love with a korean girl, haha
and i passed 2 subjects
now in bachelor course
gonna be fresh grad next feb
wait for me then :D

communication thingy

hey, I'm back, after Valentine day, this is my third post, very lazy boy I am. I just reading through feels blog of some ppl that i know, and quite surprise i found my friend's blogspot ( he used to be close to me, as I am considered it that way), and was very surprise, every post of him all abt Christ. A bit lame to me, sorry to say that, but I'm not that kind of Christian , praise and praise every single minute, I still have my own life , with lots of stuff ahead. Btw, I finished my last diploma term which is the Higher Diploma leverl , at the moment I passed 6/8 subjects;woo hoo...... Still waiting for two more results that will decide whether I am qualifed for the June intake or not, so now I'm waiting for it, 3 and a half more weeks, hehe. By 2 weeks time, two of my aunties will fly over to Singapore and spend their vacation here, and obvious , I'm supposed to be her tour guide, which means taking her around all the famous shopping centers in s'pore, the sight seeing, the merlion, esplanade, s'pore flyer, Bugis national library, and of course, Bugis Street. We did plan to take a "free and easy" trip to Malaysia ( could be Malaca, KL or Genting Highland) but we don;t have that much time , and also my budget didn't allow me to do so, ...waiting for the time I will be working ,save some money and invite them again then :X:X
Today i got frustrated of my mom, i don't know why she's keeping on nagging me too much, asking me to clean my room, to wash dishes, to prepare meal.Ya, it's okizay that i'm the one ought to prepare so, but.. i did told her many times that i'm 20 this year, no longer your 15 years old boy-lazy-erresponsible- and didn't have brain at all. I'm able to live by myself now, no need anyone to cook for me, take care of me or conmand me around.. And i don't like the way she raise her voice toward me, so did I response back with a very bad manner{ I know i'm bad,ok} but talking abt that, she's now busy with many stuffs around house, do she still have some spare time to nag me, i dont know and i dont want to think abt that, that's very weird, she's flying over here for three months to help my sister and me with her new born daughter, and we thought that we shall live a life without conficts or arguements, but as they said, ppl never change, especially the elder. They tend to keep unhappy things to themself, dont wanna express it and feeling everything around them blur, arg, i hate this. How can I get out of this situation , its not my object in this life. As i once wrote , i dont like conflicts or arguement, just keep my face looking worse and worse. So the result for that arguement is, I cannot concentrate on practing dancing steps this afternoon, really disappointed with myself. Eventhough im still be able to catch up with the new step, i found my mind keep thingking abt that unhappy topic with my mom and my face looking on the mirror is horrible, cannot smile for once. TOTALLY DISSATER :((
today also is my friend's bday, i really wanted to call her,saying happy bday thing to her, and told her that i miss her so much, missing the day we met accidentally at the airport 2 years ago, when we spent time going photoshooting ( which I was the model for most of the photos) , we went to Newton Circus enjoyed chicken wings and sugar can juice, how we spend times talking about life after school , partime jobs, abt boss, colleagues and stuffs there, oh we spend New Year Eve watching the midnight movie " Chipmunks" and then she send me to airport..... Why all these memories playing in my head now, i really miss that time with her, very pure and happy and lovely... Why all my love-oned had to move to Australia? Why they have to leave me? why, I have no reasons for that... I guess i need to find one way to go there , meet them and stay with them, haha, not bad, rite? cause i also love Australia lots, haha...
arg, im being cheesy today, write alot..ok, time to show my ugly face today, which was took yesterday at esplanade's rest-room { im a camera whore, lol =))]

What is so called "valentine day"?

yay, today is V-day, so all of you should know what I am mentioning about ... not so expecting, I had my very first Valentine gift, first of my life , today, and it appeared to be a box with muffin cake, a Pasta Mania brochure and a card , which are all from my Care group leader. I was very surprised for all the things that guy had done to me, because you know, today is the day for celebrating love among couple, and then, he gave me gift, not to only me but I also know, he brought a lot for Church member, and gave to one another. It sounds so strange at all, rite? we give friends flowers , chocolate and card on Valentine'sDay ? it is confusing me alot, but in the end,i have to say that, I'm happy any way, because all the cake are really really delicous and his baking skill is very good, i can enjoy the cheese that he put inside the cake, not so much cheesy but very sweet and soft .. OMG, so yummy >.<, cannot stop talking about that, and surely, I finished it very fast , roung 15mins, of course with the help of my niece, she is the type of kid that don't like any rice or meat at all. Her whole day is all about sweet, candy, snack, soft-drink and cake, she can ignore from eating rice for more than 1 day, but cannot stop asking for more cake or soft-drink, OMG, what can i do now??? i totally gave it up, god bless my niece now, hahaha...
yaaa it has been almost 1 month since my first post, and now , i can sigh a bit cause i had passed all the quite tough subjects for the last-two term , oh jesus, you really bless me alot. I must admit that after finishing the Business Law paper, i had prepared my self and mentioned my mom that i would surely be failed for that paper, so I always brough over with me the supplemantary paper and tuition fee in my wallet,u know,just in case, i can pay for it once i got the result and it came out with an F. I shall not be sad or depress , because i had learned a very important lesson, " I will never lose my optimistic", even though tomorrow should be the end of this world ,i still have less than one day to be with my family , my friends and my loved one, so i realy prepare my mind for that. but then, god really listen to me , and to all my wishes, I passed all 4 subjects: Business Law, PR, Business Statistic, and Financial Management. talking about economics , should seems like boring for most of teenagers, for me it also the same, at the beginning , i dont know that economic is affecting really bad on our daily life now, it can save your home or easily destroy many happy-family globally. Understand the economic situation , learn all the elements and prevent myself from all the critic is going to happen in the future make me more safety and free-minded.
and now , let's see what i got for this year valentine,quite interesting at all, hope next year i would receive more than that ( haha, am I being greedy now??) but really thks alot for my dear leader, scold me and present me, I dont even know what to do with that guy now, haha..

Friday . 9 Jan , 09

Phew, after 1 and a half years using Yahoo! blog, now i'm getting bored with it,better switch to something new,isn't it? first of all, I'm kinda lazy person, especially in typing { both english and vietnamese}the result now is I'm getting worse and worse in both languages. So , a fresh start for a brand new year ( even though it's maybe late , the day is 9th, means first week of 2009 had pased )but better late then never. Hope this blogger will stick with me through the next year.:D
have you ever wondered or worried about the time you finished the degree , you come out to the real world , where there are people kill people, where you have to fight in your own to buy rice, meat or milk! Ya, you can say I'm not brave, I haven't ready for that battle. It's tough and very difffult to survive . Im scare , feeling lost sometimes, and depress deep inside. Oh it's suck when i said something like that in the first post. But still i have one more year to prepare myself in the 2009 and i'll study study for that battle in the 2010. Man, reach that year, I'm only 20+, still young, i have no experience, no money , no saving, no house, no car, how can i expect to have a girl friend??? It's weird to think ,any PH when lots of couple hanging out, watch movie or dining together, it's me , me me me and only , do u see that? i go to school alone, i eat alone, i go to library alone, i go church a lone, i watch movie alone, my best best gf now can say is my MP3, which i bought by my own salary, thought of sad? watching me alone, some people wonder " Am I gay?" oh jezz, should I punch them? of give them a F... upside down, please leave me alone, you are behavioring too rude with people around , and I'm here don't give a shit about that, watch your mouth about that. And it's not funny when talking about that , cause I'm not not not G-A-Y.
jezz, i don't wanna explain that stuffs by saying, and I should'nt care for all that bull-shit people.
I have left than 14 days to exam , quite hard for Business Law and PR , but i hope i can pass through all that. Oh , Im keep saying I'll study study everyday, but in the end, i go bed with all the time playing on my lap, and watch films, of course. Im such a liar to myself , not keeping the promise. I know my worst characteristic is not concentrating ,low - memory in focusing in one exact option . So should change myself , rite?
ok ,that's enough for today? why do I write a post in the middle of the day??? update again before i got to bed then, see ya :D
hey, it's me , again, now it's 10.30 pm, just finished another day of this week. Yay, one day but i gone through quiet a number of feelings. after noon, i got to library, studied then and got really excited when studying. At 4pm, im coming back and grabed a Mc Chicken on the way home, feelings damn hungry and prevent me from gastric , too. then it's time for dinner preparation, i did it very well every day, the result i can see it right way, my niece enjoy the dinner , my sister and brother-in-law all finished all the meals, how can i be any happier?? Ya, again, i broke my promise, instead of coming to desk for studying from 9-12 , i went to my niece's room to watch cartoon with her , the Rattouile show, and it' was really interesting and funny though. I love to see people cooking and enjoy their dish, isn't it lovely?? untill 9.40 , means i haven't finished the show, we switched to Channel 5 for News. I wonder are all the Malaysians-Malay and Indonesian-Muslim are stupid after all, for deciding on banning all American items?? maybe i'm not quite knowledgeable of History, the Israel and Palestine's battle, how they hate each other and take action by killing their people. They are such a cruel people is this lovely life, using violent to win the situation , it never be a good choice for anything . I feel really poor for the people who said themself are Israelees and Palestianes, they maybe have be bless when coming back to their God.. Amen. Ya, after that heart-broken news, here I am, peacefully at my desk with my laptop, chatting some things with my brother back home, offering him some gifts when i get back , underwear ,maybe, haha, who knows!! and SMS someone ,which i really really don't know how to say or to thing or to mention about that. Ya, we should have a meeting tml, and that person supposed to give me a lecture about God, which is that this person had promised last week for things not done yet. And now, i'm still waiting here, feelings as hell and got no reply, what should i do now? i already listed in my list " the thing i hate the most" which is the answer is " waiting for someone or something". I really really really can't stand that kinda situation and that fucking feeling giving to me. I hateeeeee thatt, and I'm going crazy for it now now now.
and one bad new is ,I cannot work on this Sunday, which i was expected will be working , but due to my manager changed her phone number and she didnt care to look at the schedule's request, she forgot my name and my request for this week, was it sad? A bit, but instead of going to work, i rather spends that valuable time for studying myself at library, which means give me something better in the future,a good job , i hope so :D
and finally i got some advice from my sister, which helps me in this bad time , all about the worried things of mine for my future in the next year, she told me " shouldn't be worry too much, u will deserve what the best for you , and GOD will always love you, take care of you and worry for you all the times" . Isn't that sweet, helping calm me down for the damn thing happens in my mind. yaay, i still believe in you Jesus, love you till dead and will let you be the survivor or my head , my heart and my life.
with love
Alex :X:X